Travelling as a highly sensitive person (HSP)

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So it took me a while to write the right words here. I have been having quite some moments of feeling overwhelmed on this journey. And I had to deal with, apart from the sense of being overwhelmed itself, with the inner judgement of not being constantly grateful that I get to travel, to be here etc. 

Don´t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for the time I can spend here, I learn a lot about myself, I have experiences, that I can take with me, I see beautiful places...and I am extremely aware of what a privilege it is that I am able to do that. 

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AND (and instead of but!) things are never just one sided and of course life is not always shiny rainbows, also not when you are travelling. Things come up and it has been quite challenging to be here, on my own and feel all these processes, that might not have so much space to come up in my daily life, coming up. I have been having this image of the deeper layers/peels of an onion, that can only come out if there really is enough space between me and my "normal life" (writing this in brackets since my normal life already involves quite a lot of being able to listen inwards). I know this already about travelling and it is one of the big gifts for me about it, that I get to zoom out and look at my life, look at what is still serving and what might be in need of a change. It’s a gift and it also involved moments of deep discomfort while facing those deeper onion peels.

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I started the journey wanting to take as much in as possible, wanting to see sights and eat specialties and indulge and take in. And after some days or a good week I was completely knackered as the Brits say.

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It took me a moment to realize what was happening and it was a simple Google search that was quite the aha moment for me. I literally googled "travelling as a highly sensitive person". And there was the aha!

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I felt overwhelmed, overstimulated and all around full. Italy is of course known for the delicious food and something in me wanted to try all the delicious things – but it would be like living in Vienna and eating Apfelstrudel, Sachertorte, Topfengolatsche and Wiener Schnitzel every day. A bit too much. Now I have what I have called my Sicilian muffin top or the “sizialinisches Wamperl” :D 

I try not to judge myself too much for that.

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Anyways, I felt full of food, full of gluten (it's everywhere here, Mamma Mia!), full of visual stimuli (I felt my eyes full, something I haven’t experienced maybe ever?), full of the language and trying to speak it well.

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Full, full, full.

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I then leaned on my practices that have grown in the last years to help me decompress. I'm forever grateful to myself and the people that have shared ways of decompressing with me - what would I do without them? Probably not being able to sustain my way of trying to stay open, sensitive, and permeable to the world, while moving through and with cities, neoliberalism, hustle culture and a general (potentially) overstimulating lifestyle.

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What did I do? I took my Shakti mat with me (so happy I did, I judged myself in the beginning for bringing so many things but so far, I've used everything in my luggage, except the tea flask, and I will still be in northern Italy as well :).

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Firstly, I wrote down all the things I saw during the big sant´agata parade for a couple of hours. I also did some free writing, giving my brain a chance to release. I didn't eat for around 16 hours, giving my body time to digest, literally and figuratively. Then I lay on the Shakti mat. I did some sounding to simulate the vagal nerve. I did some yoga. I had hot water with lemon. I also did seemingly simple things such as washing my laundry and cooking for myself instead of eating out. What a pleasure to eat gluten free pasta with veggies!!! Mamma mia!!

And already I felt much better, or: different. 

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The thing is: I don't want to pretend that travelling isn't a lot for everybody, because it really is. And I truly believe that everybody is a sensitive soul and can pick up on the field* around. And I also believe that sensitivity can be cultivated, that not everybody does that and that I have been very invested in cultivating sensitivity for the past decade.

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I think what happens is that I feel deeply and so things that other people might digest easily don't pass by so fast in my system. They echo longer and they can leave intense ripples inside of me so that I want to and have to be careful what I let in. Words, sounds, images, information, tastes, energies…sink very deeply into me. This is a wonderful thing when I take good care of it and of myself.

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And so now, when I left my bubble of sensitive souls, my routine of listening to the body, my safe space aka my home and other practices (eg. going to the forest!) I have created for myself in order to sustain a sensitive life inside a city, it's was not nothing. I knew that but it’s still different to know it. Now I know it.

And somehow, in the beginning of the journey, my FOMO got the best of me, for a moment. So, then I had to double back up and take care, which I did. It's such a work in those moments to not put extra weight on myself by judging that I didn't treat myself as well as I wanted to. Phew.

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Things I learned through those days:

. Travelling is exhausting and landing in a new space takes time. I need to be in spaces for at least 5 days. If I am in an energetically strong moment, 3 nights could be the bare minimum, nothing less. Being somewhere just for 2 days is (potentially) horrible for me because I cannot land properly, and I get overwhelmed and confused.

. Just as I do in Vienna, my boundaries can be up during travelling as well. This can relate to what I eat (I do not need to eat all the specialties if it’s not the moment), who I spend time with, what I see and where I go. Sitting, dancing, or reading in a park is valid, just as it is at home.

. If I take care of these aspects then the beauty and the joy of travelling come back, and I can experience moments with great pleasure, love, and joy. If not it all becomes too much, and I shut down. Learning on the go.

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Having said and written all of that I want to share that I spent the last two days in two very beautiful places – Taormina and on the Etna. I took in sun, I had a beautiful and nourishing call with a friend, I went into the (cold) sea, I ate two fantastic cannoli, I met a nice person, I walked through Catania and said my goodbyes, I ate good cheese and drank fancy wine and I went with a sweet group onto a part of the Etna. (side note: I don’t want to write too much about the Etna because I feel like the approximately six hours I spent there really did not do it justice. So I definitely want to come back, that is for sure. And: its special. And: the stillness up there is powerful).

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I am really, truly grateful for having had more time in Catania, for having had time for day trips as well as immersing into the craziness of sant´agata as well as simple days with working, walking around and being.

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And, also, a little reality check: I have been feeling quite touched and pms-y in these last days as well. It is such a work sometimes to accept myself where and how I am. Right now. With my Sicilian acquired muffin top, with the fingernails I am still biting, with the literal warts on my feet. What a work to not only love an idea or a apart or a future version of myself (a possibly thinner? version with healthier nails and no warts) but the one I am in this very moment.

I can definitely notice that it gets harder during the pms phase of my cycle.

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… so many paradoxes and ambivalences to hold inside one human system, its wild!

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Right now, I am in the train on the way to my next stop, Palermo.

I am happy to be leaving, it feels like the right moment. I am also happy to meet Palermo. I feel like taking the meeting very slow and like leaning into my rhythm and, also at this moment, into my cycle. I am happy to have this last stop on my solo journey and then to transition back gently into the bubble I have created here, also.

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Thanks for reading my words if you did!

I think of you all and I send much love <3

And if you have had similar experiences travelling (by yourself or with others) feel free to share them with me!

Hugs xx

 

*PS: In cranio we speak about the field. A presence, life force, life itself, that is always there as well as always there for us. Something we can lean into, rest into, and allow ourselves to be embraced by. I realize that I can even more use this as a resource when I am feeling disoriented, contracted and/or lost in time and space.

What I wanted to write is that I have been having the (more embodied than a cognitive thought) feeling that life is really flowing and that it is also really giving you what you need. It’s nice to feel that not just to think it. At the same time, I have ambivalent feelings towards this sentiment, since it can lead people into guilt and shame spirals (or glorifying poverty or illnesses) which I get sick just thinking about it. And it has been used in the field of spiritual bypassing as well, which I am very critical of.

So, yes, I am exactly where I need to be. And in retrospect I was also where I needed to be (to make a move and escape the place) when I was in a yucky and slightly dodgy Airbnb in Naples.

What I want to say basically is that I have been feeling aligned with life. Do you know that feeling? I have been feeling that, even while I have had feelings of being overwhelmed or shutting down.